Who I Am and How I Do Therapy

Douglas L. Cohen, Ph.D., Psychotherapist in Washington, DC

I am a psychologist with 40 years experience in group therapy, individual therapy and couples therapy. My patients are “normal” women and men with self-worth and relationship issues that get in the way of having richer, more fulfilling lives. Their issues may make it difficult to find and maintain an intimate, supportive and vibrant relationship with significant others. These issues may also affect their ability to be successful in parenting and career.

In therapy, new patients are usually surprised to find they are more able to talk about their personal issues than they expected. I work to create an atmosphere in which patients feel safe and supported so that they can talk about the vulnerable issues.

Understanding the source of our problems is necessary but not sufficient for change. True change requires not only insight but also the motivation or drive to make the change happen. All of us are ambivalent to some degree about changing how we live life. The healthier part of us wants to change but the more defended part of us wants to stay with what has been familiar. In my role as therapist, I ally with the healthy part of the patient that wants change and help the patient overcome their resistance to change.

Compared to most therapists, I am more active, involved and personal in my therapeutic approach. I do not just sit back and listen. I generate “heat” by giving honest, direct feedback in a way that confronts the patient about their attitude or behavior. For example, in couples therapy, I might say, “While I understand you feel badly treated by your spouse, the way you are responding is making it worse. Your defensiveness only serves to alienate your spouse more. If I was your spouse, I would feel like retreating rather than listening to you. Now, what if you tried responding in a more vulnerable, less defensive manner that invites your spouse to hear you?” Relating to others in an effective way seems like something that that should be natural to humans but it is not, it needs to be learned. Most patients need to unlearn some ineffective relationship and coping behaviors and learn new more effective strategies.

My approach to therapy reflects my experience in sports that success in any endeavor requires pushing ourselves hard to overcome our limitations and problems. Like an athletic trainer or coach, I push patients to dig deep to find their “heat” and work hard to change and realize their goals.

To understand a patient’s problems and help them change, I utilize the relationship between myself and the patient as both an assessment and teaching tool. The way patients interact with me in therapy shows me a lot about how they interact with others in ways that create problems in relationships. In my relating to a patient, I am often modeling more effective ways for the patient to do their own relationships.

To illustrate something I want to teach a patient, I may share my own life experiences. My willingness to be vulnerable and share my personal struggles and successes models sharing vulnerability – something with which many patients find challenging. It also helps to make the patient feel more trusting and less alone.

I work with both women and men in individual therapy, couples and group therapy. In addition to all of the general benefits of psychotherapy, for women, working with a male therapist also offers the opportunity to use the therapist-patient relationship to work on past and present relationship issues with men. Women who have issues with their spouse, father, male siblings and/or coworkers have the opportunity to work on those issues in their relationship with a male therapist. The trust that develops in the therapist-patient relationship can be instrumental in helping women to be able to better trust the men in their lives.

I recommend group psychotherapy to many patients. It is an extremely powerful and effective mode of therapy for working on relationship problems. The type of group therapy I offer is very different from the “support group” most people imagine when they hear of group therapy. In group, we don’t just talk about relationships, we work on them as they arise in the patients relationships in the group. Feedback in group is like a surround-sound system where you hear not only the therapist’s feedback but also those of the other group members. A patient’s relationship issues have a way of showing up in group interaction. When I or other group members confront them with their behavior, it helps the patient become aware of how their issues affect other people. I work directly with patients as they interact with other members to identify ineffective relationship patterns and teach effective relationship skills. Group may be combined with regular couples or individual therapy. In addition to feedback and modeling, group therapy offers a safe place where patients can bring all of the feelings and thoughts they do not feel comfortable sharing with others. The empathy and support that people feel from the group helps to them develop the courage to make the changes in their life that need to happen in order for them to feel fulfilled. All of my groups are composed of both women and men. In general, patients of mine who do group therapy make faster progress than those who do not.

In summary:

• Together we explore the patterns that create obstacles to more fulfilling living.
• We work with the natural push-pull between wanting change and resisting it.
• We cultivate the energy and motivation — the “heat” — that supports lasting growth in relationships and life.

 

Personal:

Outside of my work as a psychologist, I’ve always had a wide range of passions and interests. I’m an avid scuba diver and underwater photographer—I love exploring the ocean and capturing its beauty through my lens. Sports have also been a big part of my life; I played varsity lacrosse at Dartmouth and wrestled in high school, and later coached boys’ lacrosse and even led workshops on the psychology of coaching.

I’m fluent in American Sign Language, which I’ve used both in therapy and sometimes even while diving. Giving back is important to me, whether that’s training new therapists, volunteering with sea turtle, coral, and shark conservation projects, or supervising therapists in Ukraine.

When I’m not in the water or on the field, I love playful time with my grandchildren—we’ve made elaborate costumes and even built oversized cardboard submarines together. At home, I spend time with my Golden Retrievers; I enjoy training them, and one has even learned to dive underwater to fetch lacrosse balls.

Next Steps:

Email me at info@douglaslcohenphd.com, or call 202-368-2852 for a no-risk initial consultation. If you don’t wish to continue, you won’t pay for the session!